SELENA GOMEZ / POST MALONE OREOS

When I said that junk foods trying to replicate the taste of other junk foods (Froot Loop and Apple Jacks Pop Tarts; Twinkies and ICEE Cereals; Funyon Lays Potato Chips, etc.) was the stupidest trend I had seen, I think the food scientists at Nabisco heard me and took that as a challenge. Because now there's an even dumber trend...celebrity Oreos!

I know we may never solve the age-old "chicken or the egg" conundrum, but to that headscratcher we can now add this question: Which came first--the celebrity endorsement or the flavor? That is, did Post Malone's agent contact Nabisco to let them know he had an idea for a new cookie? Or did Nabisco reach out to Selena Gomez (and probably a number of other celebrities) seeking her endorsement of something they came up with? Perhaps, like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop, the world will never know...

What I do know is that I had to Google "Post Malone" because I had no idea who he is. [When you see the name "Malone," if your first thoughts are of Karl, Moses...or Sam ("Mayday")...then welcome to my world...we can go get our AARP cards together.] I do know who Selena Gomez is, though, having had a teenager at home in the not-to-distant past, but to be fair neither of these two would top my list of desired celebrity endorsements. Maybe Taylor Swift and Pedro Pascal didn't return Nabisco's calls?

But enough about the attention-grabbing celebrity names. The flavor is the most important thing, whether Post and Selena really like the taste or not. Post Malone's Oreo is a half chocolate, half golden cookie with a swirled creme that is supposed to taste like salted caramel and shortbread. Selena Gomez' Oreo, on the other hand, is a traditional chocolate cookie (albeit with cinnamon flavor) surrounding chocolate, cinnamon and sweetened condensed milk-flavored creme. Although I don't recall seeing the name on the package itself, the advertising suggests that the cookie was "horchata-inspired." And I do like horchata... 

Of the two, I enjoyed Post Malone's cookie the most. Although the creme didn't taste like shortbread to me, it was still enjoyable and the chocolate and golden cookies and creme all balanced each other perfectly so that none of the flavors were overwhelming. Nothing spectacular, but good enough and definitely something I would eat again. Selena Gomez' cookies were disappointing, unfortunately. Maybe the price of cinnamon has increased to the point that Nabsico couldn't afford to include more than a few microns worth, but if I hadn't read the packaging I would have had no idea that "cinnamon" was part of the recipe. Seriously! It tasted more like some sort of chocolate mousse cookie, which wasn't bad, but certainly not what was advertised. I wasn't a fan of their "hot and spicy cinnamon" Oreo from a few years back, but here the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction of not even being able to taste the key flavor. 

As celebrities are not typically associated with food...the only endorsement I can think of that would make sense is Gallagher and a watermelon-flavored Jolly Rancher...it will be interesting to see who Nabisco signs next. From a business perspective, however, I'm not sure I understand where they are going with these. Certainly, great new flavors of Oreos will sell without a celebrity endorsement (and without the price to pay for it), while awful Oreo flavors won't sell no matter who is on the packaging. Except maybe Taylor Swift...

RATINGS:   

POST MALONE    4 / 5    SELENA GOMEZ    3/ 5

BEER CAN CHICKEN PRINGLES

In all the years that I've been writing about various kinds of snacks and junk foods, I have almost never been surprised. On rare occasions, something that sounds awful turns out to be delicious...or vice-versa...but for the most part, I know just what to expect. Which is why, when I saw this "limited edition" can of Pringles, I should have trusted my first instinct. That instinct was to empty the shelves into my cart, push that cart out of the local Target before the asset protection team could stop me, stack the cans into a miniature version of "Burning Man" and then light them on fire in the parking lot.

In a weak moment, however, I did none of the above. Instead, I decided to take a can home and try them for myself. But my folly will hopefully serve as a warning to you all not to go down this same path.

By the way, in case you aren't familiar with "beer can chicken," it is a method of trying to keep a chicken moist (and, possibly, to also impart the flavor of beer to said chicken) that basically involves emptying out half a can of beer, lowering the chicken's cavity onto the can, and cooking it upright. (You might notice that the image on the can is completely wrong in that respect, showing the can on the wrong end of the bird, but perhaps the Pringle's marketing department realized a true image might get their product banned in more conservative states). Seeing a beer can stuffed into a chicken is the second strangest image associated with cooking poultry...behind only that one episode of Friends.

For the record, I must say that I'm not a big fan of beer. My preferred beverage of choice for imbibing is either wine (or a mixed drink involving vodka + just about anything else). But, if I had to crack open a cold one, it would be a bottle of Samuel Adams and not Miller Lite, which has definitely fallen a long way from running the funniest television commercials ever made in the 1970s and 80s to partnering with a reconstituted potato chip. But I digress...

Fortunately, the fact that I am not a beer connoisseur in no way affected my ability to fairly judge these potato chips because they have absolutely zero beer taste. Which, frankly, is probably a good thing! I was actually just hoping for a flavor closer to a BBQ chicken or a garlic-lemon rotisserie chicken...heck, I would have settled for chips that reminded me of chicken McNuggets.

What I got instead was a nauseating aroma just from opening the can, which almost made me sick to my stomach even before I tried eating any of these. Eating them only intensified that feeling. If there is such a thing as aftertaste having an aftertaste, this food does that! Ask me to describe the taste as politely as I possibly can, and the only thing that comes to mind is...rancid ketchup. Or maybe some weak teriyaki sauce which you obtained, not from a reputable restaurant, but from the self-serve section of an AM/PM mini-mart. Oh, and vaguely potato-y Pringles--I could definitely taste those as well.   

(For those who may be interested, there is also a "Grilled Beer Brat" and a "Beer-Braised Steak" version...the latter which was not sold at my local Target and the former which I would not ever dare to buy considering how much I disliked these.) 

The bottom line is that there's nothing inherently wrong with cooking beer can chicken, just as there is nothing wrong with enjoying a beer while eating potato chips, chicken or brats. But trying to combine these flavors in a Pringle's can is a big mistake! So, as we celebrate American Independence Day...a time when my fellow citizens are most likely to consume beer, chicken, brats and maybe even these potato chips...I thank the good Lord above that we live in a nation where companies have the freedom to try stupid ideas such as this one, and where we consumers also have the freedom to dump chests of them into Boston Harbor as a statement of opposition. If I lived on the opposite side of the country, I would!

RATING:    1 / 5