FRUITY CRISP OREO

Is it a breakfast cereal?  Is it a cookie?  It's both!

"Fruity Crisp" is the latest "Limited Edition" Oreo I've found, and it makes me wonder why Nabisco didn't just license the Fruity Pebbles name from Post.  Because that is clearly what this cookie is trying to evoke--the only thing missing from the packaging is Fred and Barney.

When I saw this at the local supermarket, I had two questions I wanted answers to (apart from the basic question "who is going to buy such a thing?").  First, is the fruit taste of the cereal going to be barely noticeable, minimized by the cookie and cream?  And second, how big are the cereal pieces anyway?  Are they so small that they are hardly noticeable?

Both questions were immediately answered when I opened the package.  The artificial fruit smell was overpowering, and the filling was a lot more uneven than usual, approaching the thickness of the double stuff Oreos.  Biting into the cookie gives you the familiar snap, crackle and pop of a rice cereal.  It's an odd sensation amidst the normally smooth creme filling, and I'm not sure it approaches the promise made on the packaging.  But I suppose advertising "fun, colorful rice crisps" is better than advertising "odd, colorful rice crisps."

The fruity crisp is definitely a taste that stays with you long after the cookie itself.  I'm going to give it an above average score for delivering on it's promise--I expected a cookie that tasted like Fruity Pebbles, and I got it.  If that is what you are expecting, you'll like it.  But unless you are a five year-old child, you probably won't want to eat very many of them in one sitting.  I don't see it becoming a regular flavor any time soon.

RATING: 3/5

BLUEBERRY PIE OREO

If you can get past the purple-blue hue of the icing, which is the same color as a melted "Purple Mountain's Majesty" Crayola crayon, you'll enjoy this.  Provided you like blueberries, that is.

It really doesn't taste like a pie, though, but that's because this is a cookie.  Pies have that flaky crust thing going on, which pretty much defines them as a pie.  Unless you are a talking about a Hostess snack pie, that is...but that's a whole different can of beef fat.

The blueberry taste is just strong enough to be noticed without becoming obnoxious or overwhelming, and the sweetness of the creme filling is well-balanced by the cookie.  This flavor deserves to be a regular, along with lemon.  Hear that, Nabisco?  Skip the candy corn, root beer, punch and other oddities and just stick with fruit fillings.  Boysenberry, perhaps?

RATING: 4/5

CHOCO CHIP OREO

This is what we have come to: one cookie imitating another, and not very well! What's next? 'Nilla Wafer Oreos?

The term "choco" should have clued you in.  Nabisco's legal department has likely advised them that they had better create an imaginary word...you know, like "cheeze" or "nutz" or "pumpkin spice"...because this really has nothing to do with chocolate or chocolate chips as we know them.

If you want chocolate chips, stick with Chips Ahoy or other chocolate chip cookies or chocolate chip ice cream or chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.  If instead you want a bland cookie that fails to deliver upon the suggested "cookies and cream" experience, I suppose you could do worse, but there is nothing here to get excited over. 

RATING: 3/5

ROOT BEER POP TARTS

One of the new soda flavors--the other being Orange Crush. Theoretically, it isn't hard to create something orange flavored. Root beer, on the other hand, is hit or miss (looking at you, root beer Oreos!).

I don't know what these are made of, although admittedly I don't want to know. The crust is brown, but it doesn't taste like gingerbread or anything else I feared. It just tastes like a normal Pop Tart crust with a tinge of root beer. The interior, meanwhile, is a dark brown gooey mess...as if someone melted down root beer barrel hard candies. They won't convert you to liking root beer (or Pop Tarts) if you don't like either of those already, but at least they taste like you would expect a root beer Pop Tart to taste like. And if you've already been wondering what a root beer Pop Tart would taste like, you're already weird enough to want to try these.

Now, if they could just make a Dr Pepper version...

RATING: 4/5

KEY LIME SLIME TWINKIES

Has there ever been any long-lasting snack associated with a movie release? Other than Willy Wonka candies, perhaps? (Which reminds me--my class action lawsuit over the Everlasting Gobstopper, which is NOT anything like the movie version, is still ongoing). 

Here we have a perfectly good classic snack, the Twinkie, being altered to promote a mediocre film. But at least they chose a flavor that doesn't completely ruin the experience. I like lime in general, and key lime pie in particular, but the flavor here is very weak. It's more like Hostess took a spoonful of lime Kool-aid and mixed it into the creme filling.

The visual is less disgusting than I expected, as it is more guacamole-colored than florescent green slime-colored, so that's not even a selling point for kids wanting to gross out their friends or parents. In the end, it is just a Twinkie with a hint of lime. Definitely not bold enough...even if you drink a bottle of Ecto-Cooler with it.

RATING: 3/5

HOSTESS BROWNIES WITH MILKY WAY

Ever since Reese's first advertised their peanut butter cups on television, we've been brainwashed into thinking that two things which taste great individually must automatically taste great combined. That's a logical fallacy...and also a great way to earn a nasty hangover if you combine the wrong two liquors. But where was I? 

Oh, yes. Brownies with Milky Way candy bars (there is also a version with M&M's). First warning flag: It's Hostess, not Duncan Hines or Pillsbury. There's a reason you don't see Betty Crocker making Twinkees, and likewise Hostess ought to stick with its core competencies.

I like brownies, even if they are made from a boxed mix: chewy, doughy fudge with a layer of lighter, flaky chocolate on top (and a little crispy on the edges). This, however, is a sticky mess of a plastic-wrapped brownie without enough fudge taste to it. I also like Milky Way bars. The box image shows caramel atop the brownie, with chocolate and nougat (supposedly Milky Way pieces). Whatever is on the actual product dissolves like freeze-dried sugar cake toppings, without a hint of the promised caramel. If you really want a Milky Way on your brownie, just bake yourself a brownie and cut up your own dang candy bar over it!

RATING: 2/5