STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE POP TARTS

"It's back!," says the banner on the front of the box.  While I am glad that the box uses the correct punctuation, I never knew that this flavor was gone in the first place.  So, it's hard to get excited over its proclamation.  Not to mention the fact that Pop Tarts already come in both frosted and un-frosted strawberry varieties.

Unfortunately, Strawberry Milkshake Pop Tarts are the perfect example of how to take an already unhealthy snack and make it seem even less healthy.  At least with the normal strawberry Pop Tarts you can pretend that the filling is equivalent to strawberry jam--which makes eating one only slightly different than eating toast or an English muffin with jam, right?  With the strawberry milkshake variety, there is no question that you are eating something bad for you.  The filling tastes more like Frankenberry cereal, Starburst candy, or any other artificially flavored food that is typically colored pink.  It's not inedible, but I definitely prefer the flavor of the regular strawberry Pop Tarts.

The box recommends that you freeze one and eat it cold.  Even if you are the sort of person who is willing to take directions from a box, in this case you should definitely not.  I did...strictly for research purposes, of course...and found that the filling took on the chewy consistency of taffy or gum.  Pop Tarts are supposed to be "toaster pastries" after all, and while it may be acceptable to eat one out of the box unheated if you are somewhere without a toaster or a microwave (such as while camping, in a dorm room, or at the movie theater), it is NEVER acceptable to eat them frozen.

There really isn't much else to say about this one.  With Pop Tarts, I've found that the traditional flavors--cherry, blueberry, strawberry, brown sugar and cinnamon--are the best.  Basically, every flavor that you would ever want to eat in a pie or a pastry seems to work.  Every now and then they will add worthwhile new flavors which seem obviously tasty (raspberry, s'mores, cookies & creme) or which end up being unexpectedly tasty (root beer, vanilla latte).  This one is not one of those.  It's too "fake tasting" for its own good and is probably better left for the kids...although, if you are an adult who is still eating Pop Tarts, you've probably gone too far to turn back now.

RATING:  2 / 5
 


 

NEAPOLITAN M&M's

Straight from a limited release only in Australia, Neapolitan M&M's have now appeared exclusively at Target Stores.

A quick history lesson: Neapolitan ice cream is, in fact, named after Naples, Italy, where it was thought to have originated.  Historically, the colors were green (pistachio), white (vanilla) and red (cherry) to match the colors of the Italian flag.  A variation of spumoni, the dessert was changed upon its introduction in American in the late 1800's to represent more common ice cream flavors--chocolate, vanilla and strawberry.  Interestingly enough, almost every picture I found shows vanilla in the middle, as if a referee trying to intercede in a fight between two stronger flavor boxers.

As I opened the bag, I was greeted with a sickeningly sweet smell that can only be described as the floor of a Baskin-Robbins 31 Flavors.  I did appreciate the fact that the candies came in three colors...pink, white, and brown...but my appreciation quickly faded when I realized that the colors did not have any bearing on the flavor.  No, instead, each candy piece contains all three flavors regardless of the color of the shell.

The packaging is misleading in this regard, as it shows a cutaway view of a pink-shelled candy that has a brown layer and a white center.  But guess what?  That's also what the center of the white and brown-shelled candies look like!  The white does not have brown and pink inside, and neither does the brown have pink and white inside.  Which causes me to wonder...where does the strawberry taste come from?  The shells appear to be flavorless, so I am guessing the strawberry is part of the white center.  It is quite the puzzle and deserves to be studied by scientists.  It does not, however, deserve to be eaten.

The best part of Neapolitan ice cream, assuming you serve yourself, is that you can decide the appropriate ratio of the three flavors (which, for me, would be lighter on the chocolate and heavier on the strawberry, with ample vanilla).  Here, you get all three in a mix of natural and artificial flavors that will stay with you a long time...no matter how many times you rinse with a glass of water.

Neapolitan M&M's are not the worst idea they've ever had (that would be candy corn M&M's...yuck!).  I think the idea might have worked if M&M had released a bag of strawberry, chocolate and vanilla M&M's which consumers could have mixed and matched to their liking.  But, unfortunately, that's not the case here.  These taste more like the melted blend at the bottom of the ice cream bowl...if that melted blend was devoid of any dairy products or natural flavors, that is!   

RATING: 2 / 5