Fall is quickly surpassing Winter as the season that confectioners and makers of "irresponsible calorie" foods are more likely to introduce new creations in an attempt to capitalize on holiday spirit and/or reckless disregard for taste. And, as has been the case for many years, pumpkin spice is usually the top culprit, followed closely by apple. Both of these flavors can be pleasant...or both can go very wrong!
DOVE WHITE CHOCOLATE CARAMEL APPLE
As a married man, I can admit to having entered the Bath & Body Works retailer on more than a few occasions looking for replacement kitchen and bath soaps or candles. Upon entering , my nose is immediately assaulted with a wide variety of scents which are not normally found together in nature. Thankfully, after a few minutes, my nose shuts itself off in an act of self-preservation (although remaining in low power mode long enough to sniff out the least offensive blends when my wife asks me what I can stand to live with.)
In all my years of sniffing candles and soap, and even potpourri and air fresheners, I never once wondered what it would be like to eat one. Well, thanks to Dove, now I know!
I do like white chocolate (although I prefer Dove's dark chocolate). And I also like caramel, apples, and caramel apples. I even like graham crackers. On paper, combining these tastes doesn't sound like a bad idea. Unfortunately, this idea made it off the paper and into manufacturing. (If Dove has any product testers, they ought to all be fired over this concoction!)
If the overpowering apple smell doesn't immediately scare you away, as soon as you put one of these pieces in your mouth, the odd texture and awful taste will leave you gagging. Avoid at all costs unless you want to use them as punishment for your kids when you threaten to "wash their mouths out with soap." They'll probably prefer the soap...
RATING: 1 / 5
MAPLE CREME OREO
These cookies are really a no-brainer, even if you don't come from the Great White North.
I have had better, though...usually in the form of maple-leaf shaped cookies that you can find under a generic grocery store label. The store cookie itself is usually more tasty and substantial than the Golden Oreo in this version. Still, the Golden Oreo cookie tastes good with the maple creme, which itself is not overpowering or too sweet. Considering that Nabisco might have gone with the standard chocolate Oreo cookie or the graham Oreo cookie, I suppose we should count our blessings.
If you aren't a fan of maple cookies, or maple in general, this Oreo isn't going to change your mind. But if you are looking for a fun fall flavor, this fits the bill.
RATING: 4 / 5
FROSTED PUMPKIN PIE POP TARTS
I really should have known better...
Of all the junk foods that I regularly sample for this blog, the Pop Tarts seem to be more miss than hit. Sure, Oreo will come out with an abomination like the Swedish Fish, but then they'll give us Apple Pie or Cookie Butter. I'm not sure if it is because Pop Tarts are all enclosed in the same "crust" or if they are limited due to the thin layer of filling, but I've definitely eaten more than my share of disgusting flavors.
I was initially impressed that they didn't call this Pop Tart a "Pumpkin Spice" flavor (as Hostess and Oreo always do with their snacks), because as you've heard me complain in the past, there's no such thing! "Pumpkin" spice consists of ground cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves (and perhaps allspice). There's no pumpkin or other squash involved!
When I tried the first one of these Pop Tarts, I thought I tasted cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and cloves. Sure enough, all of these were listed ingredients! (Far, far behind sugar and fructose corn syrup but still...). Sadly, that wore off quickly. The more I ate, the less it tasted like "pumpkin spice" and the more it tasked like pumpkin. Or squash. The fact that the filling is the color and texture of the baby food I used to feed my kids didn't do it any favors.
Warming them up definitely improved the taste, but no matter how many I tried, they always started off pretty good but ended up disappointing. (Sort of like my high school dances...) If only the "spice" part had managed to hold its own and not be overcome by the "pumpkin" part, I might have even liked them.
RATING: 3 (briefly) but then 2 / 5
