CHOCOLATE FROSTED DONUT KIT KATS

Look...I'm sorry about posting two Kit Kat reviews, both 4/5, in a row. But at least this one is currently available in stores (unlike Lemon Crisp)!  Also, as a backstory, I only bought this one fully expecting to give it a low score to balance out the last Kit Kats I enjoyed and to prove I am not on Nestle's payroll. So, the fact that I liked it came as a big surprise to me as well!

I've said many times before that Kit Kats pale in comparison with their big, sturdy candy bar brethren that feature caramel, nougat and peanuts. If you're "hangry," you'll grab a Snickers bar so you can get right back into that touch football game. The people picking up a Kit Kat are more likely getting back to their quilting. If a Snickers is a Monster Truck, a Kit Kat is a Nissan Leaf. If a Snickers is a pint of Guinness, a Kit Kat is a cup of chamomile tea. If...well, you get the idea!

That is main reason why I think fruit flavors (which would never work with a Snickers, let alone a Twix) pair well with the Kit Kat wafers...at least if they are done well (unlike the Apple Pie monstrosity). And that is also why peanut butter, fudge, cinnamon, hazelnut and other "heavier" flavors don't do Kit Kats any favors. Until now, that is...

Now, the first question you might be asking yourself is: "What does chocolate frosted donut flavor taste like?" And, if your inner voice asks this question using Homer Simpson's voice, we are definitely on the same wavelength! Lately, it seems that candy confectioners have been throwing vanilla and/or maple flavoring into everything and calling it either a pancake or a donut. Not surprisingly, the resulting junk food tastes like neither! Blueberry pancake cereal? Tastes like artificial blueberries with a hint of maple. Strawberry donut cookies? Tastes like artificial strawberry with a hint of vanilla and maple. So that is what I was expecting with these.

Perhaps my appreciation was unfairly influenced by the fact that I had recently picked up Dunkin Donuts (for the first time, I might add--as a kid I was a Winchell's Donut fan through and through). So, to eliminate any potential "recency" bias, I ate another one a week later. The result was identical--this Kit Kat really does taste like a chocolate covered donut! A French Cruller, perhaps, rather than the glaze donut pictured on the label, but a donut all the same.

I honestly have no idea how they did it! Maybe it is as simple as keeping the chocolate coating only on the top half but switching to maple/vanilla coating on the bottom. Or maybe they altered the recipe of the barely-there creme? Or maybe the texture of the wafer (once you've started chewing it) tricks your brain into thinking you're eating a Cruller? 

I don't really know, and I suppose I don't really care how they are made. (And, yes, I like sausage, politics and hot dogs as well.) All I know is that I enjoyed these. They are sweeter than the standard Kit Kat...and sports-playing Snicker's afficionados aren't likely to stock these in the glove compartment of their 4x4s and time soon...but if you are a fan of a chocolate-covered donuts and Kit Kats, you may want to give them a try.

RATING: 4 / 5

 

LEMON CRISP KIT KATS

I mistakenly thought this was a permanent addition to the Kit Kat line-up when I purchased a few of these around Easter. Unfortunately, it looks as if they were a "holiday" release so you are unlikely to find them on store shelves...with the possible exception of the Dollar Tree-type retailers who will stock recently expired can goods and discontinued candy. 

(Which reminds me: The town I grew up in featured a "Hostess Thrift Store" adjacent to a supermarket where one could buy Twinkies, Ding Dongs and such on the cheap just because the expiration date on the packaging had passed...as if Twinkies don't last forever! But I digress...)

I still think we need some standardization when it comes to holiday junk food flavors.  Right now, we seem to have: 

• Halloween (an easy one, though often reviled): Pumpkin spice
• Christmas: Peppermint candy cane and eggnog
• Valentine's Day: Chocolate and strawberry are the forerunners
• St. Patrick's Day: The current favorite appears to be mint, if only for the color
• Easter: Well, this is where there isn't a clear flavor favorite...other than things which are colored yellow and pink (Hello Peeps and See's Candy jelly eggs!). Lemon fits the bill, and it is certainly better than cotton candy...or Peeps...so let's make it official!

But I digress again...

I am definitely a fan of fruit flavors in general and lemon in particular but I recognize that it isn't always easy to get right when it comes to junk food. The sour flavor of Lemonheads wouldn't work inside a cookie, for example, and companies that use artificial flavoring run the risk of making their snacks taste like Lemon Pledge furniture polish. To be honest, that is exactly what I was worried about in the case of these Kit Kats. I mean, the outside coating (usually chocolate flavored) is waxy enough.

To my surprise, the lemon flavor of these Kit Kats was definitely more on the subtle side. It was held back just enough--think lemon creme versus lemon. It didn't taste sour, nor did it taste artificial, and it was light enough to fit just perfect with the wafer cookie and barely-there creme on the inside without overwhelming the other tastes. 

As with the prior blueberry Kit Kats, I do hope that Nestle eventually decides to make Lemon Crisp available all year long...that way, you can find them in your Easter baskets, Halloween candy buckets and Christmas stockings! Just not on Valentine's Day...that would be weird. 

RATING: 4 / 5

  

 

SOUR PATCH KIDS OREOS

Continuing the ill-advised trend of making Oreos taste like some type of candy...if not actually using said candy inside the filling or as part of the cookie itself...I present to you the latest: Sour Patch Kids Oreos.

This calls to mind a question that I have frequently asked my dogs (and perhaps also my kids before their frontal lobes developed): "Have you learned nothing?"

Nabisco's track record isn't exactly impressive. I've gone on record as saying that Swedish Fish Oreos weren't just the worst Oreos ever, but one of the most disgusting things I have ever eaten...and I'm pretty sure I swallowed a worm as a child and a goldfish as a college student. Peeps Oreos were average at best, which is probably better than most people expected. So I wasn't about to get my hope up here...

Since my wife often tells me that I need to soften the harshness of my criticism by first mentioning something positive before hammering on the negatives, I will say just this: Using the golden cookie instead of the chocolate (or the graham) was a good idea. So, maybe they did learn something from the Swedish Fish Oreo after all?

That's pretty much the only nice thing I can say about this abomination of a cookie. At least with people, you can say they have a nice personality. Or that they are punctual. But with Oreos? Uh...umm...I like your round, circular shape? (Don't use that one on people, by the way, trust me!) 

The whiff of artificial sour fruit you get when opening the package should alert you to the fact that you just made a big mistake. But, go ahead. Convince yourself that they cannot possibly taste as bad as they smell and eat one. (Just be sure to have a glass of water nearby...you're welcome!)

I'm not even going to discuss what "colorful inclusions" means or what "Sour Patch Kids flavored" actually refers to. Is it watermelon? Strawberry? Peach? Grape? (All of the above?) Suffice it to say that the sweet and sour fruit flavor is in no way suited for use in either the cookie or the creme.

I'm just trying to figure out one thing (other than why I bothered to try these): Did Nabisco first reach out to Mondelez with the idea of licensing the Sour Patch Kids? Or did the Nabisco scientists stumble across this horrible flavor by accident and then, seeking to recoup their R&D losses, decided to partner with a candy company desperate for publicity? 

(Fun Fact: Sour Patch Kids were originally developed under the name "Mars Men" and are known as "Very Bad Kids" in France. Which means at least the French can keep the "Very Bad" part of the name for these cookies...)

RATING:     1 / 5