REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPCAKES

I've always been a big fan of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups...although I'm a little less enamored with the eggs, pumpkins and Christmas tree shapes, seeing as how they mess with the sacred ratio of peanut butter to chocolate. In related junk food, Reese's Pieces are awesome and I enjoy Reese's Peanut Butter Chip-Ahoy Cookies and Reese's Peanut Butter ice cream. In fact, had this product never existed, I would have rested secure in the knowledge that I love everything Reese's.

Then came this.

The first red flag should have been the company producing it--not Hostess, not even Little Debbie, but Mrs. Freshley's. They've apparently been around for awhile, but I've never heard of them before now. And, considering that their label is on pre-packed, preservative-laden snack cakes, the word "fresh" shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the packaging. Still, they make knock-off versions of Twinkies and Ho-Hos and Donettes, so how hard would it be to make a decent cupcake? Apparently, very!

The first thing I noticed is that it didn't hold together very well (the way a Hostess cupcake does) when I took my first bite. That first bite also managed to entirely fail to connect with any of the so-called peanut butter flavored filling. All I got was the chocolate cake which, frankly, tasted awful. But the peanut butter icing and filling should make up for that, right? Not at all. The icing on top was thin and lacked any satisfying texture or flavor. The filling, when I finally found it, tasted almost nothing like peanut butter. I wouldn't be surprised if there was someone in the Mrs. Freshley factory whose job is to siphon the oil off the top of open jars of Skippy and then stir it together with Hostess cupcake filling.

While not the most inedible junk food I have ever tasted (Swedish Fish Oreos still reign supreme), it's not a very good cupcake and certainly doesn't do Reese's reputation any favors. Save your money for a gourmet cupcake the next time that "Icing on The Cupcake" brings back their peanut butter flavor. You'll only be able to buy one for about the same price as six of these, but it is definitely a better value.

RATING: 1/5

LEMON CHEERIOS

 <Begin old-man voice> "When I was growing up, Cheerios were boring! It was the most plain cereal you could eat! There was only one flavor! And we liked it! Now, get off my lawn!" <End old-man voice>

It's true! From 1941 to 1976, there was only a single variation of Cheerios. (If you remember a "frosted" version, as I do, General Mills released that cereal under a completely different name: "Frosty-O's.") The first official flavor variation, "Cinnamon Nut Cheerios," appeared during America's bicentennial year and quickly disappeared, but "Honey Hunt Cheerios" was an immediate success upon its launch in 1979. "Apple Cinnamon" debuted in 1988, but that was about it. Despite the fact that two generations of  parents made Cheerios  their baby-appeasing car seat snack of choice, the company played it safe until the early 2000s. 

Whether sparked by the relief of surviving Y2K, or realizing that everyone else was doing flavored cereals, General Mills finally gave in to reckless abandon by releasing a new Cheerios flavor every year since 2005. They certainly covered a lot of ground--from multigrain and yogurt variations to banana nut, chocolate peanut butter to pumpkin spice, maple to toasted coconut, peach, blueberry and strawberry. Just about the only flavor they hadn't tried yet was lemon...until now!

The scent is a little overwhelming, bordering on lemon air fresheners rather than lemonade, but in milk, the taste mellows. (And before you gag at the thought of milk with lemon, just think lemon meringue.) It does taste vaguely lemony...in the same way that Fruit Loops taste vaguely fruity...but not overpoweringly so. And it is definitely not tart in any way. Your tolerance for this cereal will entirely depend upon your tolerance for lemon flavoring. Me? While I prefer Apple Cinnamon and Honey Nut over all other Cheerios flavors (including the plain ol' boring ones), I thought this was a nice change of pace. 

RATING: 4/5

ICEE CEREAL

Growing up, ICEEs were a regular part of my visits to the Sunrise Rollerland skating rink, Not to mention convenience stores, carnivals or any other places that the red cherry and blue raspberry frozen concoction could be found.

Originally I had no interest or intention of reviewing this new cereal. Sure, it seemed to be an odd tie-in, as I don't think anyone associates ICEEs with breakfast cereals. Even so, I imagined that the red and blue cereal pieces were simply cherry and raspberry flavored, and we've already got Captain Crunch All-Berries for that, thank you very much.

But then I spied some text on the box that caught my attention. "Feel The Freeze," it says. "Cools your mouth as you eat," it says. Surely they must have provided steps on the back of the box for putting this cereal in the freezer to accomplish such a task! They did not...and I won't call you Shirley again.

Intrigued, I purchased a box so that you wouldn't have to. It smelled just about the way I expected it to. Sickly sweet, like the drink...and nothing like real fruit. Pouring it into the bowl I noticed that there were red, blue and purple cereal pieces. Was that supposed to be the "mixed" flavor? Who knows? I was fixated solely on getting to the bottom of whether the cereal cooled my mouth as I ate it...and, if not, whether a class action lawsuit might be in order.

And...darned if it didn't actually cool my mouth! But not in a "this is a cold ICEE on a hot day which I had better drink slow or else I'll end up with brainfreeze" way. More of an "I just sprayed Chloraseptic sore throat spray into my mouth and now I've got a cherry cough drop taste in my mouth" way. And while that latter sensation is perfectly fine if I actually had a sore throat, it is quite definitely not the taste I wanted or expected from a cereal.

I'm still not exactly sure what combination of natural or unnatural ingredients Kellogg's used to pull off such a feat. "Menthol" is not listed on the box, for example, and a doctor's prescription wasn't required to purchase. ICEE cereal is available over the counter. But do yourself a favor and avoid at all costs...even if your insurance covers it.

RATING: 1/5

APPLE JACKS POP-TARTS

Sometimes the opportunity for corporate "synergy" overrides common sense.

Take Pop-Tarts, for example. Kellogg's has been producing these popular toaster "pastries" (in the loosest sense of the word) since 1964. Their small size make them handy for an on-the-go snack when you don't have time to sit down for a bowl of Kellogg's cereal.

But with the recent Fruit Loops Pop-Tart, and now this Apple Jacks Pop-Tart, Kellogg's is branding their toaster pastries with their most famous cereal names. (If they end up releasing a "Honey Smacks or Corn Pops Pop-Tart," , I'm outta here...) It's a dubious idea at best.

If I wanted the taste of Apple Jacks, I'd simply eat the cereal. And if I wanted an apple/cinnamon Pop-Tart, I'd probably settle for the existing brown sugar cinnamon variety instead...or wait for the Frosted Crisp Apple Pop-Tarts to make a reappearance. After all, there's (currently) no law against eating two Pop-Tarts simultaneously. So...who exactly is this for?

I made the mistake of thinking it was for people who like Apple Jacks cereal.

I must give Kellogg's credit, however, that the abomination that is at the center of these Pop-Tarts does look like Apple Jacks (the orange one, anyway) and it mostly taste like Apple Jacks cereal except without the crunch...which is the best part. It sort of tastes like a soggy piece of cereal left at the bottom of the bowl. Half dissolved in milk. In your sink after you come home from school six hours later and realize you didn't rinse your bowl and put it in the dishwasher. Shame on you! And shame on Kellogg's for making me want to try these things which are worse than both the regular cinnamon or apple Pop-Tarts and the cereal which this new flavor is based upon.  

RATING: 2/5

NEAPOLITAN OREOS

I was a bit wary of eating any junk food named "Neapolitan" after my M&M experience a few years ago, but I have a duty to all of you out there and I don't take that duty lightly. These abominations must be called out...or praised, whatever the case may be.

To crib from my earlier review, one of the best features of Neapolitan ice cream is the ability to get exactly the mixture you want. (Unless, of course, you hate chocolate, vanilla and strawberry...in which case, what planet are you from?) Do you enjoy all three flavors? That's easy. Do you want your chocolate, vanilla or strawberry solo...never to mix? You can do that (albeit carefully). Do you want a vanilla + chocolate blend or a vanilla + strawberry blend? You can do that too. Do you want a strawberry + chocolate blend? Well, that's just weird, but okay...it can still be done. Sadly, none of that ideal blending was possible with the Neapolitan M&Ms as they each contained all three flavors in one single candy shell...which is about as stupid as making one Jelly Belly that contains all the flavors.

Unfortunately, Neapolitan Oreos are only slightly better. They, too, have combined all three flavors inside of one cookie container in the form of creme layers. However, as Oreo lovers know, those creme layers can be easily manipulated. Just open the cookie and throw away the layer you don't like. Or, better yet, trade it for a friend's unwanted layer...just wash your hands first, okay?

Sadly, though, Nabisco has violated the Neapolitan prime directive of keeping vanilla in the center at all times. Which means if you prefer the vanilla + chocolate flavor, you are going to have to peel back both outside layers to toss/trade the strawberry at the center.

Or, you could simply enjoy all three flavors at once by leaving the poor creme layer alone and just taking a bite into the "waffle cone" flavored cookie (which really just tastes like vanilla to me). Unlike the M&Ms, the mix of the three flavors in this Oreo isn't bad. None of the flavors ever overpowers the other two. In fact, the flavor I could taste the most was really just the cookie. Again, not bad. But nothing to get excited about either. Unless, perhaps, you dip them in actual Neapolitan ice cream? Hmm...

RATING: 3/5   

BLUEBERRY MUFFIN KIT KAT

It's not easy being a Kit Kat. You're definitely been stuck in the shadow of your overachieving Twix sibling for so long (Why are you so small? Why don't you contain caramel?). When the average person thinks about a candy bar incorporating a chocolate-covered cookie, they probably aren't thinking of the flimsy wafer and barely-there creme inside of a Kit Kat.

Don't believe me? Instead of passing out Snickers or Baby Ruth bars this Halloween, pass out packets of wafer cookies instead...just prepare for your house to get "egged"! Wafer cookies may go great with coffee or tea, but they certainly don't offer the sturdy sugar rush of other candy bars, including Twix.

And yet, Kit Kats have always had an advantage which Nestle is finally beginning to exploit--versatility!

Unlike a Twix, which is going to always have the caramel and cookie and can basically only tweak the coating (white chocolate, fudge) or add other flavors (peanut butter) inside, the Kit Kat's wafer, creme and thin chocolate coating are so insubstantial that they can allow for a myriad of changes. Seriously. These things are like chameleons...no wonder there are close to 400 Kit Kat flavors in Japan! We haven't been nearly as lucky here in the US, though, and occasionally get tricked when Nestle changes the color of the coating at holidays without changing the flavor. Fortunately, our luck is starting to improve and we are now seeing a  larger variety of Kit Kat flavors...though, so far, none appear to be permanent. 

That's not to say that Kit Kats can do no wrong--wasabi, baked potato, sweet corn and cheese (all real flavors, by the way) would never fly in this country. But fruit flavors? Those taste great with the light wafer and are something that a Twix bar will never be able to emulate. Nor should it.

The most recent fruit-flavored Kit Kat to appear here is blueberry muffin. Again, why not just "blueberry"? Or blueberry pie (like the Oreo cookie)? Or even blueberry cake? Why call something that crunches a muffin? And, personally, while I love to slather butter on my blueberry muffins I wouldn't want to think that taste is present in a candy bar.

But I digress..

Texture is important, of course...no one wants to feel like they are biting into a candle or potpourri...but my number one rule for fruit-flavored cookies, toaster pastries, cakes or candies is balance. And that is not easy to get right! Some candies have the barest perceptible hint of fruit, suggesting that the confectioners are worried that you'll hate the full flavor. ("You want the fruit? You can't handle the fruit!") Yet others err on the side of excess, hitting you smack in the nose with an intense smell before you even take a bite...which then assaults your tastebuds with an overpowering of artificial flavoring. (Strawberry, by the way, seems to be the fruit flavor that goes wrong most often.)

I'm happy to say that in this case Kit Kat got the balance just right! The aroma is light and not overwhelming. The taste appears to be spread evenly throughout the coating, wafer and creme filling. These taste like blueberry alright, but not like the artificial flavor of Boo Berry cereal. Don't be fooled by the purple-colored coating, which may suggest a too-sweet candy--these Kit Kats taste lighter, somehow, perhaps not even as strong as a blueberry pie but more like a...a...blueberry muffin. Hmmm...

It's too early to tell if these will catch on, but they were certainly the focus of a huge display when I visited Las Vegas this summer (attracting much more attention than I've seen given to other flavors). If blueberry isn't your thing, nothing I can say will convince you otherwise, but I am hoping that this Kit Kat flavor breaks through and becomes a mainstay. I loved them! 

RATING: 5/5 

 

 

     

REESE'S POTATO CHIPS BIG CUP

Back in the early days of microwaving popcorn before microwaves came with a "popcorn" button (yes, I am that old), I was often disappointed at the number of un-popped kernels left at the bottom of the bag. So, one day, I took it upon myself to throw the bag back into the microwave after it completed its first cycle. Unfortunately, during the second time through not only did the un-popped kernels remain un-popped but those kernels which had popped the first time now started burning. In mere seconds, the wonderful aroma of fresh popcorn was replaced by the acrid smell of smoke. The moral of that story? When you already have something that's good, you should leave it the hell alone!

Unfortunately, this is a lesson which Reese's has not learned... 

Now, admittedly, I do feel a little sorry for them because they hit it out of the park on their first attempt. On that fateful day when someone got their peanut butter on someone else's chocolate, and that other person got their chocolate in someone else's peanut butter, a very magical thing was created. We are all the better for it as life would not be the same without Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. So, where does one go from that zenith of success? Do you retire, knowing you'll never surpass the heavenly combination of peanut butter and chocolate? Or do you stupidly try to combine the flavor with something else?

Look, as great as peanut butter and chocolate are as a couple, I'm not entirely opposed to the idea of a threesome (although it is generally a better idea in theory than in practice). Peanut butter and chocolate dipped pretzels are wonderful, for example. Peanut butter, chocolate and caramel works (just ask Twix). Vanilla ice cream with peanut butter and chocolate? You had me at ice cream! Peanut butter, chocolate and actual peanuts? Fine. But...potato chips? Seriously?!?

No offense to any of you who might find that combination pleasurable...my wife, after all, drops Rollo candies into popcorn and she is on to something...but this is probably one of the worst things you can do to a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. For shame! The only thing that saves this concoction from being awarded my lowest score is the fact that the actual potato chip pieces inside the peanut butter filling are so small that they don't provide much texture and add only a slightly salty flavor. In fact, I'm sure that the reason they were added only to the "Big Cup" is that in a regular-sized Reese's Peanut Butter Cup you probably wouldn't notice them at all. But that's not much of a compliment ("Don't worry! The thing we added as a gimmick is barely noticeable!") and it is also no excuse for ruining the already-perfect unity of chocolate and peanut butter.

RATING: 2 / 5