To bring you yet another review of irresponsible calories, I had to first overcome the revulsion caused by post-ingesting stress disorder from the last time I ate Brach's "brunch favorites" candy corn. In fact, when I'm lying awake in my bed in the silent dead of night, sometimes I think I can still taste them.
I must start by once again voicing my strong objection to flavored candy corn. Candy corn is itself a flavor, people! Hasn't that already been proven by Nabisco making a candy corn flavored Oreo cookie? Maybe I'm getting cranky in my old age, but there was a time when we had candy corn and licorice and cotton candy and cinnamon and vodka...and we didn't feel the need to add flavors to what were already flavors! Well, except for vodka I guess...flavored vodka is cool.
The good news, if there can be good news when reviewing a sugary confection that is definitely not good for you, is that this latest batch of flavored candy corn actually tastes much like the flavors being promised. For the most part.
Thankfully, rather than trying to recreate the flavors of French Toast and Maple Syrup, Waffles and Strawberry, and Chocolate Chip and Pancakes...wait a second, I'm having a flashback panic attack again. [...] Okay, where were we? Oh, yes...this time Brach's has decided to imitate the flavor of Green Apple, Apple Pie, and Caramel Apple. And the colors they have chosen, while still not found in nature, are considerably more festive than their brunch favorites. There's a white one with a green bottom, a red one with a brown bottom, and a tan one with a white bottom (insert Coppertone ad joke here).
For those astute readers who noticed that I wrote "for the most part" up above, one of these flavors fails while the other two succeed. Any guesses? Once again, it is the caramel that lets us down. Perhaps there should be a ban on imitation caramel flavor until scientists get it right. Maybe they should stop their cancer research and take care of this important business first. In any case, the Green Apple tastes like sour apple candy and the Apple Pie tastes inexplicably like an apple pie. In fact, it tastes so much like an apple pie that it scares me. I have no idea how they managed to do it. But then along comes the Caramel Apple (the red one with a brown bottom) and the feelings of revulsion return.
I'd like to tell you not to eat these, so that Brach's gives up and sticks to candy corn-flavored candy corn...as God intended...but I have to be honest and let you know that two out of three of these flavors are not bad.
RATING: 3/5
